It’s really hard to not be someone’s priority. I’ve heard every excuse in the book why someone needs to cancel or can’t hang out in the first place, so I took a break from asking those people.

It was over half a year before one reached out to get together for dinner. But now, we’re back to more excuses.

It’s also equally hard to meet new people in your late twenties. Work friends aren’t really an option (I’m an auditor glued to my screen all day) and drunk bar friends… well that speaks for itself. I also have started getting something I like to call “mental health hangovers” where I feel all ashamed and embarrassed for the not at all shameful or embarrassing things I did, so drinking needs to be something I limit.

I remind myself to be grateful for my parents and brother who are the opposite of that, but we live three hours away and sometimes a phone call can’t heal everything.

I just don’t know what to do sometimes.

I am focusing on trying to heal my stomach—apparently food intolerances (I have many) and something called leaky gut can lead to or add to mental health issues.

We’ll see.

3 Replies to “Deep in the no good”

  1. As kids we can’t wait to grow up and be adults and do adult things. Then we become adults and realize that for all the new opportunities we have, no one said anything about the isolation. The older we get it seems the harder it is to make new friends/connections and I think a big part of that comes from the fact that as we go through life we all have more and more baggage weighing us down.

    I’ve been thinking about this a lot myself recently because I feel like I haven’t made new friends in ages and it occurred to me I have no idea /how/ to make friends. As the quiet, shy kid with my nose always in a book I was more or less adopted by extroverts and coaxed out my shell like a stray cat. Now that I’m an adult and supposedly mature, I’m expected to just talk to people and make friends that way?

    Sorry, I’m rambling and it’s getting away from me. I’m just trying to say that these feelings are, well, maybe not /normal/ but definitely more common than not, and it’s ok to be frustrated. Also leaky gut is a bitch and a half and I’m sorry you are suffering. It’s good that you have a support system you can really on, even if they’re half a state away. At least winter is almost over. I hope warmer weather brings happier days for you. I’m rooting for you!

    1. Thank you, Sara! One of the main reasons I got this blog was to have somewhere I can “talk” about what’s in my head. It makes me pretty uncomfortable to do it out loud, of course, but here it’s different.
      I’m glad that it’s made possible a small connection to someone like you who always leaves the most understanding and encouraging comments. (Even when I’ve been absent from reading/commenting on others’ posts—another goal is to get back into that, haha.)
      So thank you for being a kind person in this virtual world—it is always very much appreciated.

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